In the last two years, it is crazy to me all that we have accomplished. In that two year time span It really seems to me like I have been on a rollercoaster. The highs are really high, and the lows are really low. It seems that every major success has been preceded by a huge low or failure, and every time I have felt down in the dumps it is usually followed by a big success. The hardest part is not letting the times that you feel down take you out of the game for too long. If I could figure out how to maintain my confidence and momentum I would be crushing it. But, I always have moments of insecurity, questioning, and doubt.
Today is one of those days that I legitimately just feel like I have run out of steam. I had a list of things to do today (writing this post was one of them), and I have procrastinated for most of the day to do the most important things. As the day is coming to a close I feel like I wasted most of my day working on stuff that isn’t important. I got up this morning and said that I needed to do a handful of things: write two proposals, write my 500 words, workout, order a 360 camera, and create a few campaigns for Creed 101. All that I ended up doing was watching some videos from Gary Vaynerchuk, doing some yard work, and now write this blog.
The thing about this state that I am in is that every minute that goes by that I continue to procrastinate and put something off it gets harder and harder to get back on track. My will power seems to get weaker and weaker in the face of the workload that I have building in front of me. It is days like today that I feel like I want to give up, and just wish that I had a simple 9 to 5 job that depended on someone else. I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. The mind is so weird, my emotional momentum is definitely close to zero. But, what I don’t understand is how I felt like I was going to crush the world just 4 days ago (Heck, even a day ago).
But, there is always grace and clarity in meditation/writing, and as I type out my thoughts on all of this, I am trying to figure out what happened this past week that put me into this slump I am in right now.
I can think of a few possible things:
- I am working on getting our company into 360 video, and I have run into several road blocks.
- We are on the brink of closing some of the biggest contracts that we have ever had with clients, and I’m worried that we won’t get them, and/or I’m worried that if we do get them we will be in over our heads.
- Several coworkers questioned what we were selling to clients, and that we can’t confidently say that what we are selling will actually work.
- We just had all of our reviews this past week, and I feel like we uncovered some pretty negative energy.
- For me personally, I feel like I have been questioned as a leader, told that I am not good at giving criticism, reminded that I am stubborn, and that I am not trusting people in my business to do their jobs.
Realistically, me taking time to think of the difficulties I have faced in the last week it is in a weird way helping me justify my mood right now. Like it is okay that I am feeling defeated.
The thing is that I can vividly remember this exact feeling that I feel right now. I have been in this state before. My mind starts piling on more and more that I need to do, I feel like my ADD gets much worse, because I’m just looking for something, anything, to get my mind off the things that I have to do. While I’m not really sure what the solution is to get me back on track I know that I have to clear my head before the work week starts back up. I need to get back into my A player mindset, and start ripping through my to-do list.